How To Keep Yourself From Having a Real Relationship With Someone

Too consumed by your own bullshit to have a real healthy loving relationship with another person?  Does the thought of getting close to someone make you want to hide under the covers for an eternity?  But damn life is boring all by yourself huh?  Well worry not! Follow these 5 simple steps and you’ll be sure to meander life alone masked by the sporadic comfort of an endless string of unhealthy attachments.

Step 1) Find someone unavailable (i.e. emotionally stunted, married, schizophrenic, be creative here!)  This part is crucial to success.  You must be attracted to this person and this person must care about you enough in return to make you want to be with them, but must not be in any position to start a relationship.

Step 2) Fall in love with said unavailable person.  Be sure to ignore any and all warnings from what little friends or loved ones you have managed to get close enough to even talk about said person.  Bonus! They will get frustrated when they are right every time you do this and it is easier to push them away so you don’t have to hear “I told you so.” again.

Step 3) Continue relationship with said person by whatever means possible and hang on with all your might.  Remember there is no one else out there and this person is the only one you want to be with.  Don’t give up hope, it’ll get better you know it will! 

Step 4) Give up hope. 

Step 5) Fall apart

Step 6) Rinse and repeat

Stay tuned for “How To Never Finish Anything in Life.”

Something Has To Happen

I’m sitting here on a precious day off, of which I have endless lists of things I’d like to be doing during the week, and I can’t seem to figure out what to do with myself.  I am clearly frustrated with every area of my life and I know I have to do something about it but I have no idea what.  Financially I am drowning, emotionally I am banging my head against a concrete wall.  I’m stuck on this hampster wheel of day in and day out just trying to survive and manage myself.  Everything I do is just to maintain this level where I am constantly feeling like I don’t have enough time, or enough money, or enough love…and it feels like it’s always tomorrow, tomorrow I will get it right….Should I try to move and get another job?  With what money shall I do that?  I guess I need to come up with a plan. 

Let’s see…financially, I am pretty much the worst I have ever been.  I have eighty dollars to my name right now, only because of the random kindness of my landlord, someone finally noticed I am flailing.  At the rate I seem to be going though, saving money to start over somewhere else will take years.  I guess I could sell my computer and the nice TV I have. Not sure I could live without my computer though…I could sell my car…but then I will be even more stuck as my options will be limited with no transportation…and anyway where am I going to go? Do I move to York to be closer to someone?  Or do I move out of this shitty state finally and take my chances somewhere new?  What kind of job should I try next?  Should I work on my portfolio or accept that maybe it’s not in the cards to be an artist….and if it’s not….then what?


What the hell is next?

Voices In Your Head

There are two conflicting voices in our heads.  I’m sure there are many other voices bouncing around in the meat suits we walk around daily, but there are two specific voices I am musing about at the moment.  There’s the voice of consensual reality, the voice of what we think we know from experience and interaction with society, and the deeper voice, the Drive.  Many of us get the signals crossed and become all static and have trouble hearing the deeper voice over the shrill whine of the other one.  But the deeper one is the one you should always be paying attention too.  Both voices should have their say, but when in doubt, it’s the force within you should reckon with.

Thinking Outside The Emotional Box

I am learning recently that I respond to my emotions by just not feeling them.  I put them in a box and keep filling it until it breaks capacity and falls apart.  I am what you might call, an emotional retard.  But if I can just process my emotions correctly, I can be way better at life.

I’m doing it right now.  I want to say so much but I am stopping myself because what if I end up having to feel something about it?  

I fell in love with the most seemingly unlikely and unavailable person in my life the other day.  I didn’t mean too.  Then when it happened I tried not too.  Then I shut myself down and rejected all the wonderful little things life had to offer me and self medicated with beer and valium.  Upon awaking from a four hour drug induced coma I realized I was bound with emotion and decided to try and think outside the box.  Since this unlikely and unavailable person is always the one who can inspire that in me,  I went back and read what he was trying to tell me.  

Long story short.  He’s right.

I’ll spare you the long drawn out story but my conclusion is this.  I shall now quote Tom Robbins.

“Our lives are not as limited as we think they are; the world is a wonderfully weird place; consensual reality is significantly flawed; no institution can be trusted, but love does work; all things are possible; and we all could be happy and fulfilled if we only had the guts to be truly free”

7 Things We Need To Start Teaching Girls In School

Amen sistah.

Thought Catalog

While it would be wonderful if every girl were given this kind of knowledge at home from her parents, we all know that some of the more important lessons are simply going to slip through the cracks. Perhaps in-between the Algebra and laughably ineffective Health Ed, we could have a few of these points driven home by a cool, perceptive teacher. (I’m thinking a pretty, relatable young woman who is always happy and smells like candles. Basically Miss Honey wearing Anthropologie.)

1. Being beautiful is the least of your worries.

In all of the rush to convince every girl that she is ~*~a BeAuTiFul pRiNcEsS bUtTeRfLy~*~, we often forget to tell them that being good-looking is a constantly moving goal post which will never leave you truly fulfilled. “Every girl is beautiful.” Yes, okay, that statement is as meaningless as it is pandering, and it only puts a band-aid on…

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